Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
