Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
