did you get engaged???
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
