sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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