It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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