she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
