what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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