I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
