Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
