Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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