Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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