She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
