Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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