So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize