Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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