loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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