I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you win again, gameday.
you didnt know i had herpes?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
