If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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