it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A bitchslap is in order.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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