wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
