You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
