help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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