it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
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I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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