just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
