So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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