just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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