If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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