How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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