I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
