you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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