So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
