I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
