I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
