I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
