I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
