My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
