woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
