You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
