My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize