the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is wine microwaveable?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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