I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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