did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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