the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
