I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize