tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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