Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
