theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
