Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
