So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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