I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
