I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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