Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
