I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that