I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
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I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs