Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved