I want to walk on stilts...naked
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
