i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples