Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!