Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president