I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
