Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
