I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
