remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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