I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize