so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
