the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
