She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
