ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
