dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
