I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
