Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we're so committed to being not committed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
