he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
