I got chris browned last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
