what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
