I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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