this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
