Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
