yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
