Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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