I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
