my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
