***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
