i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
