Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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