we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
